The Pearson Family - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Deanna is…

one of five siblings, and has always wanted a large family. In February 2010 Deanna and Caleb welcomed there first “Deployment Baby”, Nicole, after just starting to try.

When Nicole turned…

18 months, they started to “passive aggressively try” again. Deanna and Caleb became pregnant. Right before her first appointment at 10 weeks, Deanna started spotting. She went to the ER. Deanna had an ultrasound, the baby measuring correctly, and there was a heartbeat. The doctor told her, “The baby is alive, but don’t have sex!” However, they lost the baby the next day.

Deanna and Caleb tried…

for five month and became pregnant again. This time blood work was done and turned out Deanna had low progesterone. She was put on medication immediately and was on it till the 2nd trimester. After a good pregnancy, Rachel was born. Nicole and Rachel are two years and nine months apart.

When Rachel turned…

18 months they attempted to try again. Deanna was feeling great and lost 48 pounds after Rachel. She became pregnant in February of 2014, but they lost their baby at seven and a half weeks along. That was their second miscarriage.

Again, in August became pregnant. However again, they lost their baby. Their baby was 10.5 weeks along, and was their third miscarriage.

Due to it being their third miscarriage…

there was a more involved work up. That is the magical number of miscarriages when a doctor will start digging deeper for a cause. Genetics testing was done with Deanna, and her diagnosis of MFTHR came back. Deanna’s MFTHR is heterozygous which means only one gene was affected not two, and she was negative for the clotting factor sometimes associated with it. MFTHR is a genetic mutation standing for methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. Deanna is not able to metabolize folic acid, and has a special type of medication to help.

Immediately after…

the third miscarriage they became pregnant again by accident. Blood work was done early, and her adrenal, blood level, D3, progesterone and testosterone were all low. They tried to correct but unable and lost another baby, number four.

She went to the doctor…

and at one point was on 12 supplements to help with bring her labs into normal range. The doctor she saw was homeopathic because she did not want to be put on a whole bunch of prescription medications. She just wanted someone to dig deeper. It took her about a year to get all of her lab values back to normal.

In 2015…

they got the “Okay” to start trying, however for three years, nothing. They decided to stop trying. “We had given up on a mission of having another baby, and I had to let go of that. I had to be ‘okay’ with the possibility of that would never happen. As a result, I enjoyed my husband more and I enjoyed my kids more.”

Surprise…

“Getting pregnant with [Abigail] was such a surprise and joyful time”. They became pregnant again, and this time she was put on progesterone till 22 weeks. Deanna had also gained weight prior to getting pregnant with Abigail. One of Deanna’s coworkers said ,with nothing but love, “I know you tried so hard, and you look so good, but maybe you needed to gain weight because you did well pregnant when you were heavier.”

They became…

pregnant again a year or so after Abigail. However, did not find out till six weeks because Deanna was too scared to test. Deanna was put on progesterone as soon as they found out, but lost their baby at seven and half weeks in May 2020. They have now decided to stay on progesterone till they have decided to stop trying.

When talking about how miscarriages have affected her…

“emotionally… exhausting, physically it drains everything out of you.” “It takes the joy out of pregnancy… and everyone else gets excited, but I can’t get excited yet… you don’t see the pink lines and get excited, you see the pink lines and go ‘Alright, how long is this going to last?’”

What has helped her the most…

“Faith has been… only thing that pretty much has kept me from going crazy… leaning on the Lord, and not my own strength… My husband has been amazing, but it has been hard on him… The fourth one we lost, I caught, and he buried in the back yard. That was really bad for him, and this last one was really bad for him too.”

“The anniversary…

would come, or the due date would come, and you don’t understand why your cranky today, and then you realize ‘Oh I thought I was over that’, but you don’t get over that. Caleb said, ‘It is okay to never be over it, and no one can tell you that you need to be, no one can put a time table on your grief. Having him be supportive and encouraging me to grieve in any way I needed to, that was super helpful.”

What do you do when you are announcing?…

“I have done every way. I have told people, I have not told people, I have waited, I have not waited. What I have figured out is, if you lose them, you are going to need the support, and if you don’t lose them then you still got [the baby].”

What are things people have said that has not helped?…

“Thought you were going to get healthy again before getting pregnant?” “Everything happens for a reason.” “At least it was early.” “You already have kids, at least you know you can get pregnant.” “Sorry about your miscarriage.” This last one Deanna said, “It is more than that, it is a BABY, and it was impersonal and almost dismissing it. You had a medical episode and that’s that.” “What happened?” Deanna does not mind talking to people that have gone through it, but when it is someone that have not gone through it, “‘It’s not okay!’ I don’t know why it bothers me and it is not fair of me to feel that way towards them, it’s so stupid, it’s weird”

Some of the best things that helped you?…

“People who took my kids for the afternoon or the evening, or brought meals. That was so helpful, and my coworkers in 2014 [after three miscarriages back to back] had my favorite Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in the freezer at work which probably helped me gain some of that weight back lol.” She also said, “chatting with other friends that had lost babies was tremendously helpful, to talk to people who get it. The Birthing Center Midwives were fantastic and willing to listen beyond my appointment [and lastly] the people would say ‘So sorry you lost your baby.’” At the end of the day “You think it gets better, but it just gets different.”

Did having Abigail heal your pain, and your outlook going forward?…“

“When a baby dies it is not just that one event.” It is everything that would have been of your baby. “Having Abigail eased some of the pain [after four miscarriages]. Knowing that I was able to carry another one.” She was thinking “I can’t go out like this [with three miscarriages back to back].” “Whatever the last pregnancy is, you want to have peace from it. [Abigail] came at a time where we were not stressed from trying, and she is very easy baby. It does not take away the wonder of what would have been, but you can’t get hung up on that.”